Funny Audition Part 2

So the last audition mentioned was a bit humorous, but this next one was completely humiliating...and hysterical!

Part 2 

So while I was just finishing up my MFA Acting program at Columbia Univ., I decided to head out to the McCarter Theater in Princeton, New Jersey.  For you Minnesotans, the McCarter is comparable to the Guthrie.  The train ride is about an hour - an hour and a half long.  Thank God for Ipods!  And I had to get up extra early in the morning since it was an Equity open call.  That means there is no audition time slots.  You just show up and it is first come first serve.  However, if you are not Equity (in the actors' union for theater), you have to wait for all the Equity members to audition before you get to go; and if they run out of time you don't even get to audition.  With all the nerves and anxiety that comes along with auditioning, this painful waiting process is comparable to waiting in line to go on your first ever roller-coaster ride.  But it is even worse because you don't have friends to talk to in this line.  And since the only people you can talk to are all trying to get the one same role, it always consists of very akward conversation.  Anyways, I get to the theater really early and am lucky enough to be the third Non-Equity person to show up.  After about 4 hours of watching Equity people saunter in and getting to audition before me, there was finally a break.  No Equity actors in the vicinity.  I get to be seen, at last!!!  Unfortunately, that was the only good thing that happened that day.  I don't know what happened, but for some reason I had no connection to the monologue I performed, I was just saying words.  I've performed this monologue a hundred times, and this was definitely a first.  The casting director and all the others watching the audition gave me the faux friendly, "Thanks for coming in," which felt like, "Thanks for wasting my time, ya jerk."  Already embarrassed with my lousy audition, I start to head out of the room.  However, I couldn't find the door to exit.  I start to look around the room, desperately wanting to get out of there, but I had absolutely no idea where the door that I entered had gone to.  Did it just vanish?  Is this some cruel joke that they play on the people who give bad monologues?  Lost and helpless, I pull a desperation move and look behind the thick, black curtain that is draped against the back wall.  Nope, the only thing back there are pipes, and dance bars, and a ladder or something.  No doors.  I turn back to the auditors (yes, they have been watching all this) and sheepishly ask them, "Ummmm, how do I get out of here?"  They smile and with a half-covered chuckle say, "Through the doors that are directly behind you."  For some reason, I had managed to miss seeing the GIANT, GIANT, GIANT sized wood double doors with the bright red exit sign over them!!!!!  Completely humiliated I exit the doors exclaiming to the auditors, "Oh man, I am the biggest idiot ever."  They say that it is always a good thing to be memorable at an audition.  Well, I was definitely memorable, and I guarantee it was not a good thing.  And needless to say, I didn't get cast!